I haven't seen
her since we were beamed to sickbay. I must have passed out, finally,
as soon as the oxygen hit my brain. When I woke up, she was gone.
Did I dream it all? I guess not since
the doc made me stay in sickbay overnight for observation. I didn't
ask about B'Elanna--I didn't have to. He told me as soon as I regained
consciousness that she was fine and he'd released her. Probably on
the threat of having his matrix realigned.
It's that tough Klingon constitution.
She looks so delicate, so fragile, that I forget sometimes just how tough
It's like an echo. Or a garbled subspace
message. Like I was asleep, so I can't be sure. Of course she
could have just been telling me what I wanted to hear. I haven't
exactly been subtle about the fact that I want us to be a little more than
A lot more.
I could have it all wrong. Maybe she
was just trying to tell me how…how she loves me as a friend. Like
Harry. I'm sure she loves Harry like a brother. That's got
to be it. I was just confused. It's understandable. We
were almost unconscious and I got it wrong. But I hope not.
It's probably for the best anyway.
I mean, we're not exactly alike--not what anyone would think of as the
perfect couple! She's so intense, and she works all the time, and…God!
She's so private! About everything. And God-forbid anyone should
try to get close to her. To find out what's really going on inside
her head. She takes everything so seriously.
And I like being around people. I
like to have fun, which seems to be a foreign word to B'Elanna. I
guess Klingons don’t have fun. Well, half-Klingons anyway.
It's better this way. I mean, we would
be crazy together! We fight all the time as it is! Yesterday--in
her quarters--I haven't been that fed up since… the day before yesterday.
I've tried so hard to get Sakari out of
my head… God, that kiss! And the way she felt pressed against me.
Hell, even the way she was walking… stalking me…
I've got to know for sure. I'll go
out of my mind if I don’t know for sure.
Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres.
"Lieutenant Torres is in her quarters."
Okay, I can get dressed and go. I
should go, not com her. Yeah, sure, that would be great. 'So,
how are you feeling, B'Elanna? No lingering effects, I hope.
And by the way, did you really mean it when you said you were in love with
me, or did you just say that to make me feel better before we both bit
the cosmic dust?'
Yeah, that would go over really well…
Christ, I'm such a coward.
I mean, we have nothing in common.
Except, I dunno… Harry. And the warp core… Ugh! Tom,
get a grip! You've been dating for months! Sort of dating.
Eating together anyway. And spending time on the holodeck.
And we got along great when we were creating her Day of Honor program…
well, sort of great. Maybe I went a little overboard. I think
the painsticks might have been a mistake…
Okay, I'll just take this logically.
We share some interests. Not a lot, but some. And she's not
boring--I pretty much never know how she'll react in any given situation,
so that's exciting in a relationship. And she doesn't play games…
well, maybe she does play games. I hope I get the chance to find
And I know that we'd be great together.
Maybe she really meant it. She could
really love me. And I--I'm in love with her too. I am.
I just have to learn how to trust that. To trust her…
I should have said something. I should
have answered her. I have to stop being a coward about the stuff
that really matters.
So, I'll ask her. Maybe. Tomorrow.
Computer, end log.
kd lang -- she's
(sung very slowly,
hesitantly, sweetly…. Just close your eyes and picture it)
maybe i am crazy
maybe i'm confused
maybe i am
maybe i am
maybe i'm destitute
maybe i won't
it could be
maybe it won't
maybe if i
it may be
love me too
maybe i won't
it may be disaster
maybe it won't
From the album
All You Can Eat, 1995 Warner Brothers Records Inc. Written
by k.d.lang and Ben Minc…. Don't sue me.